‘why did you stay with him?’….


Her sobs scratched out into my ears as I sit straight into a corner of my bed, the cellphone pressed firmly against my ear. The device is hot; we’ve been at this for over an hour.

 ‘I don’t know……maybe because I loved him…’ Now, I’ll say “I don’t understand“……

 She is a very bright, beautiful girl that fell in love and into the hands of a brute way back in the university and she has chosen my listening ear to unleash the burden of the pain and humiliation that she had silently suffered for more than five years. She has been physically, emotionally and sexually abused by the ‘love of her life’.

The issue of domestic abuse has eaten ‘marrow-deep’ into our society, and the wave of domestic violence in all its forms is sweeping across our country. A source of serious concern to many people. Ordinarily, domestic violence is that kind of violence that happens between family members in the home or during relationship between couple or would-be-couples, boyfriend/girlfriend as like. The causes are several. These include high temperament of the husband/boyfriend or the wife/girlfriend as the case may be, lack of understanding between the couple, lack of tolerance, incompatibility of the spouses, stress from work and even the daily chores of life. Once these factors are present in the relationship or marriage, there is tendency for friction that can lead to violent attacks. Psychological reasons also can be attributed.

why didn’t you tell people about it?…may be your family or friends?’

A deeper probe reveals to a large extent that our culture does not frown against wife battering and some wives have become used to violent attacks by their husbands. A further disturbing fact is that many people, man and woman alike, have come to accept physical violence as the side effect of African marriage. The more their husbands/boyfriends beat them, the more they become sexually aroused and submissive. It is only in western societies that women can walk out of marriage because of wife battery. In Africa including Nigeria where the culture of violence against women has thrived over the centuries, wives are obliged to hold to their marital vows to remain till death separates the couple. Infidelity is not tolerated and could lead to death of the woman who commits adultery especially of marriages contracted under native law and customs.

Thoughts differ, opinions clash and ethnicity separates us, but she clearly doesn’t want any other lady to go through what she had experienced, I realized as she finally ended the call.

It doesn’t end with her, that’s why four of our Nollywood Queens; Kate Henshaw, Rita Dominic, Funke Akindele & Uche Jombo tap on humanitarian attributes in the war against domestic abuse and violence in Africa. Follow their emotional journey as they go through the rigors of putting together an informative and captivating short drama. Showing every Monday at 9:30pm WAT on EbonyLife TV DStv CHANNEL 165.

0 thoughts on “A WOMAN’S WORLD

  1. It is historically inaccurate to say that wife battering is part of Afrikan Culture. Wife battering is part of the foreign, Indo-European culture which Europeans and Arabs forced into the lives of Afrikans. Wife battering, and other unAfrikan social ills like corruption, will not stop until we leave the silly culture we are practising now, and go back to the proper Afrikan Culture.

    We used to be a very gentle people. Getting turned on by physical abuse is the opposite of that gentleness that we used to be. Our love songs were gentle; compare that to certain love songs written by Europeans in the hard metal genre.

    All I am saying is, look deeper into the problem. By being historically inaccurate, you are sensationalizing — and therefore trivializing — the pains that Afrikans are currently going through; Being historically inaccurate increases the problem by lying to our children, and teaching them that such unAfrikan behaviour is normal behaviour for Afrikans.

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