Let’s Talk Celibacy

What does celibacy mean to you? When you hear the line “I want to remain celibate” what automatically springs to mind? You think “this person must be crazy” or “this person must be holier than thou” right? According to the Oxford Dictionary, Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage. Extreme isn’t it? This was back in the day, now it refers to abstaining from sexual activities until marriage.

In today’s society, if you’re in your 20’s and you’re still a virgin you are seen as “uncool”. It is also hard to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s talk about getting a boyfriend, if you’re a virgin and you’re not ready to have sex, more times than not the guy will run away because 1. He knows he will not be able to stay faithful to you and 2. He’ll see you as boring. If you’re a virgin and you are ready to have sex, depending on the kind of guy you meet, he may still run away because he doesn’t want to deal with the whole emotional side that comes with losing one’s virginity (and to be honest, it’s better to let him go because that kind of guy just wants a wam bam thank you ma’am, then he’ll be off). If you’re not ready to give it up, he’ll leave you because quite frankly there’s only a certain amount of kissing a guy can take before he wants to take it to the next stage (don’t blame him though, his little/big friend has a mind of its own).

As for being a virgin guy it’s not as hard finding a girlfriend in fact, sensible girls would find it cute seeing that most girls are more about communication and emotions than physical. However, depending on the motive of the girl, she may not be interested in a guy who is a virgin. This type of girl is the kind who likes men to take control and if as a virgin you are not experienced and don’t really know what you’re doing, it may be a turn off and she may not have the patience to wait for you to catch up to her abilities. Please note that this is different to the kind of girl who prefers sex to “making love”, who can put her emotions aside, this kind of girl? hmmmm let’s just say, that is a topic for another day.

One of the main reasons behind the choice of remaining celibate until marriage surrounds religion. Some individuals choose to make a covenant with God that they will not engage in sexual activities until they’re married. Some people just make a personal choice to remain celibate as a way to avoid giving themselves to the wrong person. It will eliminate time wasters in their life and some people revel in the thought of being different and not giving in to peer pressure. The way in which one is brought up can also be a factor; some individuals maintain their innocence throughout adolescence, are wrapped in cotton wool and not exposed whilst being told “if you sit next to a guy, you’ll get pregnant” does not work for others (in the case of ladies, of course).

Is it wrong not choosing to be celibate? No, because some may want to (as they say) “try before they buy”. There isn’t any shame in that, in a way it could reduce the rate of divorce. One of the main drivers for divorce is sex. If your partner has a very high sex drive and you have a low one, it could cause a lot of frustration in your marriage, causing your partner to step out and vice versa. Just like if as a man, your penis is big and your wife is very tight, it may cause a lot of discomfort for her in the same way that, if as a man your penis is small and she is very loose, neither of you would enjoy sex. So testing each other’s rhythms and wants before you commit to each other for the rest of your lives, can be seen as a wise decision (as long as it’s done for the right reasons).

Is it right to choose to be celibate? Yes, because there is more to a relationship than just sex! What happened to good old fashioned courting, going out and getting to know each other without the whole sexual side of things? One of the best ways to ensure a long lasting healthy marriage is when you marry your best friend. Get to know each other on a friendship level first; get to know each other for who the other person truly is without the whole pretentiousness.

Basically, whether you choose to be celibate till marriage or not is your own choice, (it is what it is). You cannot condemn someone for not having the same views as you. If you choose to be celibate, good on you! There’s nothing to be ashamed of, if you choose to “test before you buy” good on you too, just be sensible about it *wink*

What’s your view on celibacy? Do you know anyone who has chosen to go down that route? Have you chosen to go down that route? How is it going? What’s the hardest part for you? Leave your comments below; we’d love to hear from you.